I'm Afraid of Me
In searching for the emotions of God, I usually find my own emotions first. To truly know God, who is true and unafraid of who He is, I must look at myself to whom I am very afraid.
How does this happen? This is what I want to explore.
MY EMOTIONS:
At present, I am feeling bold and curious. Somewhat sure this exploration will bring new thoughts to ponder. Why? Because I have stumbled across amazing emotions from past involvement with my own inner search for satisfaction greater than anywhere else, His Emotions in me. I loved what I was finding. Emotions of love in all forms of actions and reactions. I am now hooked on building His Kingdom with nothing but a curious heart.
I recall my first experiences with God were often lead by fear; afraid to step into my own relationship with Him. I accepted and practiced the relationship I was taught and felt the world (this view) was unchangeably flat. If I were to wonder about too far, I would absolutely fall off the edge with no way for a return. I felt safe but frustrated.
Until... I realized I didn't feel safe at all. I was told to feel safe. Dare I question myself? Even greater fear arose when I wondered if I dare question God!
If King David was a man after God's heart, then how can I be known as a woman after God's heart? Is that position already taken? Is this whole relational dialog for the weak? Am I above King David for I want to think I would never speak to God like he did with his accusations soaring to the Heavens? Have all the greats been born for my example and now I am expected to live above their mistakes? Well, am I?
I tend to think I have the answers to all of my above questions and I think that is why failure may be in my now for it. You know, the teenage years where I know it all but frustrated because I can't seem to get results from others (and of course God) to cooperate with my wise and all-knowing attitude.
So, I'm down to this for the moment. Assuming I am capable of being in any one of all stages of growth during my lifetime on earth, at different events that come my way; I surrender to my cries for more. I surrender to ask for 'His emotion' to come and render my life into the beauty of His as I watch and learn. For when I look upon my new granddaughter of 5 months old, I see me. I see likeness that I'm not willing to give up. I see a stage of life worth living with the emotions of God giving in to me. I hold her and I become simple with a profound love that adores rather than fears. I experience the capacity to take her back to comfort and then want to share what that felt like.
Possibly God, who I seem to mimic, has me no matter my stage of growth. He is my creator and is developing me. Speaking my mind is the smallest of God's worries. To that, I ponder...He loves me and wants my heart to know it.
HIS EMOTIONS:
https://loverofhisname.blogspot.com/2011/05/passion-has-crossed-boarders-of-loves.html
How does this happen? This is what I want to explore.
MY EMOTIONS:
At present, I am feeling bold and curious. Somewhat sure this exploration will bring new thoughts to ponder. Why? Because I have stumbled across amazing emotions from past involvement with my own inner search for satisfaction greater than anywhere else, His Emotions in me. I loved what I was finding. Emotions of love in all forms of actions and reactions. I am now hooked on building His Kingdom with nothing but a curious heart.
I recall my first experiences with God were often lead by fear; afraid to step into my own relationship with Him. I accepted and practiced the relationship I was taught and felt the world (this view) was unchangeably flat. If I were to wonder about too far, I would absolutely fall off the edge with no way for a return. I felt safe but frustrated.
Until... I realized I didn't feel safe at all. I was told to feel safe. Dare I question myself? Even greater fear arose when I wondered if I dare question God!
If King David was a man after God's heart, then how can I be known as a woman after God's heart? Is that position already taken? Is this whole relational dialog for the weak? Am I above King David for I want to think I would never speak to God like he did with his accusations soaring to the Heavens? Have all the greats been born for my example and now I am expected to live above their mistakes? Well, am I?
I tend to think I have the answers to all of my above questions and I think that is why failure may be in my now for it. You know, the teenage years where I know it all but frustrated because I can't seem to get results from others (and of course God) to cooperate with my wise and all-knowing attitude.
So, I'm down to this for the moment. Assuming I am capable of being in any one of all stages of growth during my lifetime on earth, at different events that come my way; I surrender to my cries for more. I surrender to ask for 'His emotion' to come and render my life into the beauty of His as I watch and learn. For when I look upon my new granddaughter of 5 months old, I see me. I see likeness that I'm not willing to give up. I see a stage of life worth living with the emotions of God giving in to me. I hold her and I become simple with a profound love that adores rather than fears. I experience the capacity to take her back to comfort and then want to share what that felt like.
Possibly God, who I seem to mimic, has me no matter my stage of growth. He is my creator and is developing me. Speaking my mind is the smallest of God's worries. To that, I ponder...He loves me and wants my heart to know it.
HIS EMOTIONS:
https://loverofhisname.blogspot.com/2011/05/passion-has-crossed-boarders-of-loves.html
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